omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
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I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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