a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
