if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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