So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
