The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
MIDGETS
????
i think my cat just said my name.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
