I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
