I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
