Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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