One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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