We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
