When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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