Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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