He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
another moral hangover. fuck.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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