there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
