Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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