erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
