My liver just broke up with me...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
