Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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