i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
