I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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