1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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