I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
