dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I could fuck to npr.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
