He uses pillows to masturbate.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
