So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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