The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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