I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize