ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
