Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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