you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
