two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
