The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
