Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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