Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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