just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
