Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
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I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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