the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
