It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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