Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
