Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
