The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
