Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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