Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
