margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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