he wants to bone in the snuggie
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
