All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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