By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
