Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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