My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
