I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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