I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
