I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
birth control should be required to get into college
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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