During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.