never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
