she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
