I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
