i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
