Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Operation Purity has been aborted
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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