no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
