Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
