I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
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Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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