The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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