areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
