If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
