Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
