Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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