i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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