Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
