I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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