i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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