This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
