Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
