Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
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