wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This beer is not sobering me up at all
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
