Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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