You really coming over, don't trick.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
